I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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