its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
