I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
