I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
