Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
