Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
