i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
