I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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