So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
