i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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