I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
