I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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