im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
