Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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