he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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