If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Everclear isn't food dammit
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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