she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
