fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
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i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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