fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
