Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?