he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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