Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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