the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
