Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
