a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
