There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
