This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
