So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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