Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
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Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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