Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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