im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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