dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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