I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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