i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
