You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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