No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
