how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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