So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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