I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why didn't you poke me back
You smell like a Billy Joel song
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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