In the future we'll all be gay
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
