I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How does one acquire holy water?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
