cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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