So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
