I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
