you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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