Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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