It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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