You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize