so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
