Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
