Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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