i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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