my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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