i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
