Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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