C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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