shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
