I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She needs sedatives and a leash
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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