the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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