we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
