How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
