This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
