I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize