I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
