I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
