You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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