I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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