Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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