I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
