I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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