Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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