How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
