He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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